I've had life expectancies hanging over my head for as long as I can remember. Oh ye's of little faith, don't underestimate my determination to stick around and pester my friends and family for as long as I'm able. My parents were told they wouldn't have me past my eighth birthday...Then I wouldn't make it through my teenage years...It was a celebration when I "graduated" from Children's Clinic to Adult Clinic with PFTs in the 90s...And don't get me started on how pissed off I was at my bacteria scare at 26. Being "allowed" life in increments of years didn't have any more effect on me than my mom telling me to buckle up so I wouldn't fly through the window if we were in a car accident.
Today, I can't help but wonder...Would I have handled it differently if I was counting down the weeks instead of years?
I received a message yesterday that floored me. A friend of mine, who has been battling brain cancer for almost two years, has been given only weeks to live. They've exhausted all options and there's nothing more they can do for her...She can no longer move around on her own and is spending her last days at home with her husband and 3-year-old son.
I just saw her two months ago.
Two months ago, I visited her and collected hundreds of dollars worth of items that she and her husband generously donated to my Great Strides garage sale. Two months ago, I watched the Rangers game with her. Two months ago, I met her son. Two months ago, I ignorantly thought I had all the time in the world to see her again.
I want to fight it for her. I want to change the course of what's happening not only for her, but for the loves of her life. GOD he sought for so long to be happy. I don't want to think of the conversations they're having, or even worse, avoiding so it's not real. And I don't want to see pictures of us, of them, at parties, camping, at Six Flags and know that the memories are no longer being made.
Yesterday, I cried. I called Justin and cried more. I ignored phone calls. I punched my steering wheel (NOT smart). But more importantly, as embarrassingly cliché as it is, today I've listened more intently as people have spoken to me. I haven't allowed myself to be as easily angered. I took Biscuit on a longer walk. I've said my "I love you"s with more passion and sincerity than I have in a long time.
I just hope that in the future, it doesn't take a friend's life to remind me to practice what I spend every day trying to preach.
[edit]
On September 1, 2010 at 6:00am, Samantha lost her fight with brain cancer.
"What is love? There's more than just one answer. Love can be a golden wedding ring. If only love could be the cure for cancer then the world would hear you sing."
Rest in peace, sweet girl. No more tears...No more pain...You are free.
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Today, I can't help but wonder...Would I have handled it differently if I was counting down the weeks instead of years?
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| Samantha, me and Andrea ~ Summer 2006 |
I just saw her two months ago.
Two months ago, I visited her and collected hundreds of dollars worth of items that she and her husband generously donated to my Great Strides garage sale. Two months ago, I watched the Rangers game with her. Two months ago, I met her son. Two months ago, I ignorantly thought I had all the time in the world to see her again.
I want to fight it for her. I want to change the course of what's happening not only for her, but for the loves of her life. GOD he sought for so long to be happy. I don't want to think of the conversations they're having, or even worse, avoiding so it's not real. And I don't want to see pictures of us, of them, at parties, camping, at Six Flags and know that the memories are no longer being made.
Yesterday, I cried. I called Justin and cried more. I ignored phone calls. I punched my steering wheel (NOT smart). But more importantly, as embarrassingly cliché as it is, today I've listened more intently as people have spoken to me. I haven't allowed myself to be as easily angered. I took Biscuit on a longer walk. I've said my "I love you"s with more passion and sincerity than I have in a long time.
I just hope that in the future, it doesn't take a friend's life to remind me to practice what I spend every day trying to preach.
[edit]
On September 1, 2010 at 6:00am, Samantha lost her fight with brain cancer.
"What is love? There's more than just one answer. Love can be a golden wedding ring. If only love could be the cure for cancer then the world would hear you sing."
Rest in peace, sweet girl. No more tears...No more pain...You are free.
[/edit]
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend Farrel. It isn't easy at all when someone leaveas this world. Knowing that she's no longer in pain is probably the only comfort right now. We really should stop and embrace everything that we have while we can, because you never know when it's going to change.
ReplyDeletelove you cyster <3