What was supposed to be my last day in the hospital was a very important, very difficult day for some dear friends of mine. It was the birthday of a son, brother and husband who passed away from CF in 2000 at the age of 26. A guy I never had the chance to meet, but who I've heard so much about and who is cherished and missed by everyone who knew him. And on his day, his mother visited me and brought me quite possibly the most beautiful and heartfelt gift I've ever received. As I regretfully zipped by her on my way to physical therapy she handed me two things: A) My favorite Starbucks iced white chocolate mocha (which was the PERFECT post-PT treat :) and B) A small hanging angel ornament with two words that I will forever see differently....And said only this: "Today is Jeff's birthday and if he had the chance, I know this is what he would say to you..."
Leap Fearlessly.
I've always prided myself in not letting CF dictate how I live my life. But if I am completely honest with myself, how many times have I said, "I can't do that because I can't breathe"? How many times have I absentmindedly used CF to excuse the lack of will to push myself further than my comfort zone allows? How many times have I lazily pushed off making a long-term plan just in case there isn't a long term? And most importantly (and most ashamedly) how many times have I felt sorry for myself for the cards I was dealt? For the life that I was given BECAUSE I'm strong enough to live it? The thought of someone who has been exactly where I am and who understands exactly what I go through and how I feel on a daily basis living by those words himself...I have no excuse to not do the same.
I will run again. I will play tennis again. I will forgive wholly and forget as best I can because love is my world. I will skydive...I don't care if I have to haul a portable oxygen tank along with me, I WILL do it. It's number one on my Bucket List, man. I will live with zero limits and make zero excuses no matter how hard it may be or how scared I may feel. I will make as many changes and improvements in my life as it takes to be as happy and healthy as possible. I have one shot...One shot that has a chance of being exponentially shorter than some, but has already been blessedly longer than others.
After all..."In the long run, we reap no more than what we have risked giving."
Happy belated birthday, Jeff. Thank you.
No words can express what I felt when I read this, although you never met my brother, your spirit reminds me so much of his. You inspire me everyday! Always remember I'm here for you...and if you want someone to skydive with, I'm there girl! One of the top things on my bucket list as well! Lots of hugs coming your way! <3 Sam
ReplyDeleteHey F, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I know it's hard when someone you care for is hurting.
ReplyDeleteI somehow found a video of you on YouTube and then got creepy and looked you up on Facebook and realized you know my friends Ronnie and Cara. I also have CF and am glad that there is another CF blog to read. If you want to pop over to my blog, it's www.kehhek.blogspot.com - and by the way, GREAT JOB on the FEV1% for October 2010. That is AMAZING!